The Naughty Prude: Friends with Benefits

Dear Naughty Prude,

My best guy friend has really been there for me over the past two years at Laurier. We lived in the same residence in first year and have spent the past two years getting to know each other. I admitted to him that I liked him and he said he feels the same way, but does not want to get in a relationship. I have never done the whole “friends with benefits” thing, but I think I would be willing to try it with him. Am I setting myself up for failure?

The classic definition of “friends with benefits” in my own terms would be “two fun, pleasure-seeking friends sleeping together without the pressure of commitment”. Friends with benefits is an invisible contractual agreement, no written terms just the universal assumption that nothing will ever come of it.

Within the confines of a friendship individuals feel extremely safe and comfortable. You respect each other, both find each other attractive but cannot entertain the idea of putting them first, or being in a relationship with them. Friends with benefits in most cases are easier to obtain then a relationship and usually easier to maintain as well, which could be why your male friend prefers to not get into relationships.

Though some may believe indulging in a “friends with benefits” relationship is ideal, there are obviously major detriments.

In my personal opinion, a “friends with benefits” verbal agreement is never 50/50. Someone always has hidden feelings that they are not revealing, which can lead to someone getting hurt. Another cautionary point: the sex can come between the friendship. Being “friends with benefits” changes a relationship from being platonic to sexually-charged instantaneously.

As soon as you cross that barrier, sex comes before hanging out casually, going for coffee or seeking advice. You are now always thinking of one thing and one thing only: sex. Or, you and your friend have just had sex and now it is painfully awkward to hangout; you start resenting everything about them except their personal anatomy and how they strive to pleasure yours.

A “friends with benefits” scenario is wholly subjective. When entering the agreement you must take into account your feelings and most importantly become conscious of the risks. Do not go into it blindly naïve. “Friends with benefits”, in my honest opinion has a high percentage of failure, so just be cautious and honestly, a bit guarded at first.

The Naughty Prude is our sex columnist who takes pleasure in divulging the mysteries of sex. If you have any questions you need answering, or have any comments please feel free to e-mail her No question is too small- nor too controversial.

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