Oct. 27, 2010

Dear life,

Why can’t the campus Starbucks ever get my order right? After waiting forever for a $4.85 vanilla soy latte and then taking half an hour to find a fucking spot to study on campus, I took a sip and noticed it’s a plain old latte. Thanks assholes, I’m lactose intolerant. Now that I’m settled in for hours of caffeinless studying, I can’t even drink the coffee I can’t afford.

Sincerely,

Pissed

Dear Life,

Why are you always so short? All I want is an extra hour or two in the day, is that too much to ask for? At least give me time to procrastinate for a little while.

Sincerely,

24 hours is not enough

Dear Life,

Please give me wizard powers so that I can shut the people up in the computer lab who find it necessary to gab loudly about adjustments to their facebook profiles and photos. Nobody cares. “Silencio!”

Sincerely,

Can’t wait until November 19th :)

Dear Life,

I wish that the computer labs were used for their actual purpose: studying. Whether you are obsessively clicking on Diablo or watching some horrendous bollywood show and/or chinese game show WAY TOO LOUD, please do this in the privacy of your own home, or on a laptop in the concourse or 24–where noise is acceptable. :).

Sincerely,

Actually trying to pass my classes

Dear Life,

Even though I want to cry because I am high on too much caffeine, have had no sleep in the past 24 hours, and my mind may explode from over-exertion; the centennial banners around the campus brighten my day. Every time I see one of those signs and remember I am part of a university that is turning 100 years of awesome I can’t help but smile. So thanks!

Sincerely,

Loving the number 100

Dear Life,

What’s up with all these rants?

Sincerely,

Here’s a quarter, call somebody who cares

Dear Life,

I will not be voting for Amanda on So You Think You Can Dance.

Sincerely,

Stop littering WLU with stupid posters, WE GET IT. If we cared about So You Think You Can Dance or who wins, we would have voted already

Dear Life,

I’m frankly quite pissed off with our Board of Directors. I mean seriously…someone costs you almost half a mill and there are zero repercussions? Just like that time in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang when Harry grabs Harmony’s tit…this is a fuckin biggie. You don’t lose half a million dollars and let everyone off the hook. In the real world, heads would roll. This just seems like another case of a bunch of 20-somethings being too afraid to stand up to a president whom they oversee!
Get your shit together…

Sincerely,

Holding you accountable for wasting funds whilst simultaneously sitting on your ass

Dear Life,

So, this one time, when I was sitting outside in winter time and freezing my ass off…OH WAIT! That was in the DAWB!!

Sincerely,

For the love of god, turn on the heat!

Dear Life,

Karma’s a bitch.

Sincerely,

I went to lunch with Jacob today, sorry boyfriend!

Dear Life,

Stop sending me multiple interested, gorgeous guys before giving me the chance to break up with my boyfriend.

Sincerely,

Unfortunately still PJ’s girlfriend <3

Dear Life,

I love how my blackberry fits so nicely into the palm of my hand. IT IS SO HANDY! The calendar function helps me arrive on time for everything and I can control all my social media from one device. BBM is great because I know if someone got my message or not and there is no maximum characters per message. The tone it makes fills me with joy each and every time. As theorist Marshall McLuhan states this technology is an extension of myself!

Sincerely,

Can I scan your bar code?

Dear Life,

To the douchebags who go to the library to socialize: I don’t need to hear your squealing giggles or annoying details of your life when I’m actually trying to study. No one fucking cares but yet you feel it’s necessary to share your life story with everyone on the damn floor. If you’re going to talk then sit your stupid ass at home and save me the headache.

Sincerely,

Uh, did I seriously just see Neopets on your screen? Get the fuck out

Dear Life,

If you want to sit next to me at the computer in the Library that’s fine. But I must warn you, if you insist on continuing to shake the entire table I will reach over and punch you in the esophagus.

Sincerely,

I’m gonna lose it

Dear Life,

Last time I checked, the library was a place to do research and study in peace and quiet.

Sincerely,

If you want a place to eat your Chinese food with your group of friends, go home!

Dear Life,

What’s the deal with these “LAURIER100” banners? They’re huge and everywhere. They destroy the classical university atmosphere and replace it with a more commercial feel. It makes me not want to be here. I don’t understand what the point of these is (everyone who needs to know already does), or why they were considered to be worth the time and money to put them up.

Sincerely,

Upset Because My Autumn is Ruined

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