How to…escape by-law fines

Keep the road beers at home:

Alright, we all know how awesome it is to drink a tallboy on your way to the bar, but do you really want a $150 fine for the luxury? At least untill by-law enforcement settles down in October, don’t take the risk of bringing one for the road. That includes nalgenes filled with conspicuous looking “kool-aid.” You’re still asking to get caught.

Make it fun to not have fun:

Remember that game “ghost town” from your childhood, where the first person to speak loses? Well, maybe that’d be a pretty lame game to pull on your kegger guests, but finding fun ways to turn quiet time into drunken shenanegans is a great way to have an awesome, memorable and under-the-radar party.

Play dumb:

In the unfortunate situation that you do have by-law enforcement knocking on your front door, you’ll have to talk your way out of a ticket. A key strategy is to play the ignorance game. If you act like it’s your first time getting ticketed and it’s believable enough, it could get you off the hook.
Be wary of underagers: Sure, we were all there once, and we want to do a little bit of charity by helping those less fortunate get their hands on some keg beer, but be careful. Getting caught for serving underagers alcohol can land you an even bigger fine than the dreaded $300 noise violation.

Bribe the cops:

You know that scene in Superbad where the cops come and party with the highschoolers? It’d be hard as hell to pull off in real life, but if you could get out of a ticket by offering by-law enforcement a keg stand or two, you’d be hero.
Get desperate: If playing dumb isn’t working out for you, it’s time to freak out a little bit. Cry, hyperventilate, stress out, do just about anything you can to play up the poor student stereotype. Hopefully tugging on the officer’s heart strings will do some good.

RUN!

As a last resort, just fuckin’ book it. Sure, most by-law officers have cars or bikes, but at least it’ll make a funny story the next day.

Comments are closed.