How to become famous

Now is the time where children everywhere scramble through websites and toy shops, compiling a long list of what they want to see under the Christmas tree on Dec. 25. The latest Barbie doll or action figure is sure to put a smile on the face of any toddler with a short attention span, but college kids are another story.

Just consider how picky you are. No, video games will not work because there is nothing the guys in your life want to play that they don’t already have. Oh, and don’t you dare try giving her another book because her closet is currently full of the novels her parents bought her from the past ten years.

We are approaching the year 2012, and right now there is only one thing young people need — to be famous.

I’ll admit, fame is a difficult present to throw in a box and tie a bow around; however, we now live in a time where it is easier than ever to become famous.

A good place to start is a little website known as YouTube. In 2008, Justin Bieber uploaded a few videos to YouTube of him singing, showcasing his talent to the entire world. All Justin Bieber wanted for Christmas that year was his two front teeth, but instead he received millions of dollars and Selena Gomez — well done Santa.

The benefit of uploading a video to the Internet is the possibility of it going viral. Within minutes, a video can be sent across the globe to a mass number of people. The best part is it doesn’t even have to be good — just ask Rebecca Black. So pull out the camera and start singing, or dancing, or juggling. To be honest, you can probably get away with simply filming your baby cousin laughing.

Sometimes it is best to take the easy and undeserved route to fame: reality television. Reality TV exists whether you like it or not. And since you can’t stop it, you might as well join it. There is a reality show for everything. Hunting snakes, building houses, hoarding objects, shining shoes — you name it, television has it. In fact, one in every six people you see has their own reality TV show (according to AReallyReliableSource.com). Getting your very own reality show is easy because you literally do not need any talent.

Take the popular show Jersey Shore for example. They are a group of friends who party, tan, party, do laundry, party, workout, invent new words and even party occasionally. The worst part of watching an episode of Jersey Shore is having to wipe the blood off your ears and eyes afterwards.

Nevertheless, they are famous. Famous and rich. Famous and rich and orange. The cast is a walking example of how little effort you need to become a star.
I hope you are all taking notes on this. Obviously you can’t buy fame for your friends, roommate or significant other, but you can steer them in the right direction.

Instead of writing in a diary, encourage them to create a video blog. If they are singing in the shower, film it without their permission and put it on YouTube. Maybe even get ahead of the game and start replacing their moisturizer with tanning cream. These are the little steps that will bring your friends closer to fame (and maybe even earn yourself some spotlight while you’re at it).

Finally, if none of these strategies work, make a sex tape.