Dear Life: Nov. 23, 2011

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Dear Life (literally),

I really hope you don’t end soon. However I’ve come close recently because of the insane drivers going 100 km/h down Bricker and Ezra. Please do me a favour and try not to run me over, and maybe slow down?

Sincerely,

I hope your shitty old car breaks down.

Dear twitterisformetostalkmyfriendandcelebritiesnotlistentoyourdumbshit,

That was WAY more than 140 characters #WorstTweetEver #URTheDumbestIdiot

Sincerely,

@thegayhunter

Dear Life,

To the hooker masquerading as a university student, please stop pausing to check yourself out in the little windows under the overpass. Not only do you hold up people trying to make it to class, I can assure you your overabundant cleavage is not the easiest thing to squeeze by in the morning rush.

Sincerely,

I’ve got 99 problems but a fat ass ain’t one.

Dear Life,

It… snowed. And it was beautiful. It’s here again, my favourite thing, my raison d’être. Every fat, crunchy flake is like falling in love. Light flurries make me giddy; a snow squall is all I need to be happy in life. If we get a blizzard, I can slip on the ice and die happy. Teasing me with a few flakes is cruel and unfair. I want for the snow to come, fast, all over me and everything else. I want to wake up and see that the world has turned pure again.

Sincerely,

Snow More Patience

Dear Life,

Trying to park in a safe spot should not be difficult. Why are the gold permit parking lots not free until after 10 p.m., while the white ones are free after 4:30 p.m.?? Every night there is a stream of students fighting to park on campus, but they have to drive right past all the empty gold permit parking spots that are not even being used! Why can’t some gold permit areas be free after an earlier time, while some stay reserved until after 10 p.m.? The profs would still have plenty of parking, and students would feel safer knowing their vehicles are in a familiar area with lots of people around.

Sincerely,

Sick and tired of parking at the very end of Lodge Street by Benny’s, where I could get jumped at any second after six o’clock p.m. because it’s so friggin dark so friggin early

Dear Life,

Is it me, or does everyone actually look like a type of animal? I mean, that cute girl that works at Mr. Sub? MEOW!

Sincerely,

Cat lover

Dear Life,

I have finally gathered up the courage to stand up to Aramark and quit my crappy job in the Terrace. I have never been happier.

Sincerely,

I rather be broke than deal with their BS

Dear Life,

To the person who thought it was “jokes” or “cool” to steal that brain model from anatomy lab; you are a douchebag. I want you to think about the roughly 300 students your actions have affected, and basically fucked with our marks, because you enjoy you know fucking with heads.

Sincerely,

I doubt you have the balls/ovaries to give it back

Dear Life,

Thank you for hiring helpful people at International News on campus.
I am a first year who grew up in the middle of nowhere and had only been on public transit once in my entire life.

I went there to get a GO bus ticket last week and the women working was very helpful, so thank you. You made taking the bus home that much easier.

Sincerely,

Newbie to public transit

Dear Life,

If arrogance and classes filled past capacity weren’t enough to make me leave Laurier after first year, the constant bitching about other majors I see on Facebook and Dear Life would be. It takes all sorts to run the world, people.

Sincerely,

I’m glad I came home and went to college instead, where no one cares what your program is

Dear Life,

Could you call out that girl that’s sitting across the way in the library for me? Tell her that I can see her ‘subtly’ picking her nose, and then eating it.
Legit, there goes my appetite. Nasty.

Sincerely,

Really Grossed Out Right Now

Dear Life,

This year I have lost my wallet twice, my glasses thrice, my keys once, my cell phone, and I’ve even lost my mind. Why is it that I can’t lose the one thing worth bragging about losing?

Sincerely,

Need to get laid

Dear Life,

Why is alcoholism accepted among the student population? What would be considered a dangerous addiction in any other part of the world is considered quite normal, at times necessary for simply surviving yet another day in university. I don’t understand how so many people can afford it. It’s hard on the wallet and hard on the spirit. My brief flirtation with alcoholism almost led into something terrible; I wish I could apologize, but I can’t find the words in my shame.

Sincerely,

Gone-Dormant


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