Dear Life: February 1, 2012

/

Dear Life,
Please inform my two roommates that when they kiss, we can hear them. Anywhere in the house. They kiss excessively loud. Let them know that when we cough awkwardly, it’s because we can hear them and it’s making us uncomfortable. Like, hearing your parents have sex UNCOMFORTABLE. These incessant slurping noises disturb us, and haunt the halls of this majestic home. I’m afraid of the 2nd floor of my house, for fear of hearing them.

Sincerely,
We Can Hear The Sexual Sounds of Your Bodies — And It Has Destroyed Our Innocence!

Dear Life,
It’s called an interactive slogan.

Sincerely,
A fourth-year student

Dear Life,
Once a year, The Cord destroys my degree.

Sincerely,
Apparently I’m not a performer

Dear Life,
I use to know how to walk through automatic doors …. And then I came to Laurier.

Sincerely,
Tired of feeling shoved as I walk into the Terrace

Dear Life,
I worry about some people’s kids. Do they honestly believe I’ll vote for them because they’re singing in the Terrace?

Give me a little more respect, I’m not so easily swayed. And furthermore, give yourself a little more self respect; show some confidence that your platform doesn’t need high school styled advertising.

Sincerely,
Trying to study and/or socialize, and can’t

Dear Life,
The faculty of music at Wilfrid Laurier University would like to argue that Laurier Musical Theatre is not “the last frontier for musical performance at Laurier.”

Signed,
Hello, we exist

Dear Life,
Those girls in that computer lab are RACIST. And they accuse the rest of the world of discrimination? Look in the mirror. If you WANT to be exclusive, then don’t expect to be included. Last year, I heard a girl talk about how ‘western women are pieces of meat’, and ‘have no respect’. I listened to her nationalist rant for over an hour in complete silence. Not at any point did I tear apart her values on what it means to be a modern woman in the western world.

This is CANADA. So if you don’t like our values of equality, feminism and the society that holds in high regard the goals of eliminating racism and gender inequality… you should go back to that home country that I hear you talk about so often.

Sincerely,
I’m Glad I’m Not The Only Person Offended By This

Dear Life,
Well, specifically the fantastic proctor who was in room 1C18 on Friday proctoring the EC 260 midterm.

Literally as you said “you may begin” I realized that in my rush to get to the exam early I had forgotten my calculator at home! Thankfully you had a calculator with you that you let me use. I would have been screwed without it. I honestly cannot thank you enough!

Sincerely,
Never leaving home without a calculator again

Dear Life,
Go register at Loveatschool.com! It’s a site created by two students from Laurier and UofT, it’s free, and easy to use too! It’s really unique because it’s focused on Canadian university students, most of the members being from Waterloo and Wilfrid Laurier!

Sincerely,
Valentine’s Day is coming up, and I’m single, get @ me

Dear Life
Shouting “FLASH MOB” before performing a flash mob isn’t an effective marketing technique, especially when you use music none of us have ever heard before.

Sincerely, someone who was disturbed during dinner

Dear Life,
If you looked at her website or checked her out on youtube, you’d understand her platform. I want someone in office who understands what the students want, and is prepared to act on their behalf. She is. You’re obviously spending far too much time being critical of others, knowing that you will never get anywhere yourself.

Sincerely,
Opt out of WLUSU and head back to kindergarten


Leave a Reply

Serving the Waterloo campus, The Cord seeks to provide students with relevant, up to date stories. We’re always interested in having more volunteer writers, photographers and graphic designers.