Arts Bites: Sept. 16, 2009

Gallagher leaves … again

Surprise! Everyone’s favourite feuding brothers have been in another band-splitting fight. Noel Gallagher claims he can no longer work with younger brother Liam.

But fans shouldn’t hold their breath. Oasis will be back together in no time to ride the coattails of their ‘90s success and make another lacklustre album.

-Sarah Murphy

New American Idol judge

In a surprising turn of events, daytime TV host Ellen DeGeneres has been named as judge Paula Abdul’s replacement on the hit show “American Idol”.

It is assumed that the show’s ratings will now be bigger than ever as DeGeneres will draw a broader audience than her successor.

At first, it was a concern with viewers that DeGeneres has had no real experience judging vocal talent. This was, of course, until they realized that neither did Abdul.

-Wade Thompson

Kanye West loses it

Kanye West apparently left his class at home while attending the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday night.

He stormed the stage and interrupted 19-year-old Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech for Best Female Video, claiming Beyonce’s video for the track “Single Ladies” deserved the award more.

Advice for Mr. West? Taking any MTV awards show this seriously is unfortunate for your reputation as a credible rapper. Second, Justin Timberlake’s “Single Ladies” dance is better than Beyonce’s anyways.

-Sarah Murphy

Beatlemania re-mastered

Yoko Ono has stated that with the release of the re-mastered Beatles albums, the Liverpool lads’ music sounds “better than ever.”

If you’re curious as to whether or not the woman blamed for breaking up the Beatles is telling the truth, you’ll have to get up and find out the old fashioned way – going to a store and actually buying a CD. The Beatles’ music is still not available for digital download.

Released on the same day as the re-mastered albums, the Beatles version of Rock Band ensures that children everywhere will be able to butcher classics like ”Hello Goodbye”, ”Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” and ”Come Together” with a replica of McCartney’s Höfner bass and features like multiple harmonies on the mic.

-Sarah Murphy

Remaking a Disney classic

At the Official D23 Convention this week (D stands for Disney, 23 represents 1923, the year the studio was founded) Nicolas Cage made an appearance to talk about his soon-to-be-released film for the studio, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.

The film is a live action, modern-day remake of the Mickey Mouse-starring sequence from the seminal animated classic Fantasia. In an extremely odd moment, Cage attempted to explain that he likes to make films for children in light of 9/11.

I guess this makes sense if you know that Honeymoon in Vegas was based off of the Kennedy assassination, and Gone in Sixty Seconds was developed in response to the crucifiction.

-Wade Thompson