Arts bites: May 19, 2010

Christina Aguilera releases hot mess of a song, video
Trying to stay relevant and rip off every edgy artist in the past 30 years, Christina Aguilera released her new flop single “Not Myself Tonight” in April.

Failing to revive the bad-but-good magic of “Dirrty”, the song includes such forgettable lines as “I’m kissing all the boys and the girls” and a grating backbeat that sounds like air escaping from a balloon.

The single’s video is best described as Madonna and Lady Gaga at Phil’s and on ecstasy; a situation that is both unpleasant to watch and will probably give you an STI.
–Morgan Alan

Miley Cyrus gives lap dance
TMZ has released a video of a then 16-year-old Miley Cyrus dancing suggestively with Adam Shankman, the 44-year-old director of the PG-rated Last Song, at the film’s wrap up party last summer.

Cyrus’ dad, “Achy Breaky Heart” country singer Billy Ray Cyrus, weighed in on the controversy telling TMZ, “It’s what people her age do.”
It’s good to know that Miley has her father’s support on her way to becoming a full-fledged slut.
–Laura Carlson

Lindsay Lohan’s porn star dreams dashed
A few weeks back, everybody’s favourite drug-addled ginger Lindsay Lohan reportedly signed on to play porn star Linda Lovelace in the upcoming movie Inferno.

People everywhere were shocked, not at the explicit sexuality of the role, but at the fact that Lohan was still getting job offers.

Nevertheless, director Wali Razaqi came to his senses days later, revoking Lohan’s offer and handing it to Juno actress Olivia Thirlby.
–Sarah Murphy

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