Charlie Hunnam Gains Self Respect Back
Charlie Hunnam, star of the popular television show Sons of Anarchy, has somehow escaped the furry handcuffs of the trainwreck-to-be Fifty Shades of Grey. According to various gossip websites, Hunnam reportedly had problems with the script content and the fact that he would only be making $125,000 for ruining his career.
No one wants to be the next Robert Pattinson and deal with legions of horrifying fans. Hell, even Pattinson doesn’t want to be Pattinson.
As thousands of fans hold silver ties and cry hysterically, the rest of us don’t really care.
Bruce and Kris Spilt Up
In the wake of the devastation that is the separation of Bruce and Kris Jenner, we can thank God that we will have a lasting memorial of their love. Bruce’s new hairdo.
While some men purchase sport cars or party with scantily clad attractive women, Bruce Jenner grew a ponytail. For that, everyone is extremely thankful.
Maybe when he stops grieving, he’ll cut it off. Thankfully, the internet never forgets anything.
Yes, You’re Reading This Properly
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have decided to conceive. Don’t throw your paper in frustration, they’re not going to conceive a human baby but rather an aura baby.
In a tweet on October 14, Montag tweeted that her and Pratt were getting ready to have a bun in the metaphorical oven. Thankfully, Montag was kind enough to explain. “An Aura Baby is a product of the soul born out of the bio-chemistry of the universe! #speidishow.”
If anyone can explain this in terms that are understood by someone who doesn’t worship crystals for a living, please tell me.
Nobody Cares Anymore Snoop Whatever
Maybe Snoop Something had another “spiritual experience” (or bad dope) but the animal loving rapper has decided to grow and evolve once more. After long and hard thought, Snoop has decided to create a new name to reflect his new funk sound on his side project 7 Days of Funk.
His name is now Snoopzilla. Like Godzilla, but much less terrifying.
If that doesn’t give you the mental image of a giant Snoopzilla running throughout the streets of Tokyo destroying buildings, then you need to rethink your life choices.
Lauren Conrad Shows That She’s Normal
In a refreshingly normal piece of news, Lauren Conrad of Laguna Beach and The Hills fame has gotten engaged over the weekend.
Her new fiancé, William Tell, not of the overture, have been together since 2012. Conrad instagramed a photo of her beautiful ring over the weekend with the caption “Best surprise ever.”