Afternoon of the living dead
The sun was shining; it was a great day for the undead to walk the streets. We gathered outside of Waterloo Town Square LCBO. It was a pleasant surprise to see so many of my undead kin – more than 100 zombies showed up.
Zombie Master Mike Greaves, owner of Waterloo’s independent video store Generation X that sponsored the event, welcomed his fellow undead and established zombie guidelines, such as “don’t break anything,” “obey the law” and “try to be as nice as possible to the puny humans.”
We all reluctantly agreed and finally moved out.
The walk went slowly, as it was hard for us undead to shuffle along at the speed of inferior living beings.
An army of local zombies drudging down King Street on their way to brain-flavoured gelato.
We first headed over to the Perimeter Institute’s “Quantum to Cosmos” theoretical physics festival tent to prey on the brains of the incredibly smart.
Then, our mass lumbered across King Street, taking plenty of time to approach random cars and instill proper fear of a zombie apocalypse into their hearts.
I got several confused and contemptuous looks from those passing by, even more laughs and a few instances of what may have been zombie flirting (must remember to look them up on zombie Lavalife).
I have to admit, I did feel bad when a child we passed by starting crying from fear, despite his mother’s best attempts to convince him we were not real zombies, and “just pretending.”
Nonetheless, I went out of my way to give the child a huge cheesy smile and a thumbs up and got a wary smile in return; I considered that my good deed for the day in terms of solidifying zombie-human relations.
But I was less successful when attempting to do the same with an elderly lady, who looked either petrified or as if she was considering attacking me with her handbag.
The high point of the expedition was finding words that rhymed with brains and moaning them out in a collective zombie dirge, such as when passing by Bent’s Camera shop: “FRAAAAAAAAAAAAAMES!” Or, later on, when crossing train tracks: “TRAAAAAIIIINS!”
When we crowded in Whole Lotta Gelato to receive promised free brain-flavoured gelato, I felt bad for the staff who were suddenly confronted by a mass of writhing undead who were demanding sustenance.
Our overall energy dropped, perhaps because we were being fed, or because pedestrians were giving us less of a reaction.
But the final high point was our group harassment of a poor woman in a car attempting to leave a parking lot, who appeared too paralyzed with laughter to drive away.
Finally, we arrived at Gen-X, where staff conducted a draw, giving copious amounts of zombie related swag away to lucky undead recipients.
Finally, the zombies shuffled over to Ethel’s Lounge, where Zombie Master Mike was generous enough to buy his fellow undead a round of beer – a fitting end to a fantastic afternoon.
Top 10 zombie films ever made
- 28 Days Later
Danny Boyle, 2003
- Shaun of the Dead
Edgar Wright, 2004
- Night of the Living Dead
George A. Romero, 1968
- Dawn of the Dead
Zack Snyder, 2004
- Evil Dead II
Sam Raimi, 1987
Bruce McDonald, 2009
Ruben Fleischer, 2009
- Planet Terror
Robert Rodriguez, 2007
Stuart Gordon, 1985
Andrew Currie, 2006