I don’t like change. I have never enjoyed the uncertainty and newness involved in navigating different situations. I like staying in a routine once I get comfortable with it and being content with what I have.
Taking on this job as Editor-in-Chief of The Cord and moving on from another year of relative comfort into a bunch of new things that get me completely out of my comfort zone has been a challenge — to say the least.
Many of my friends are moving on to bigger and better things, and the person I consider my pal for life — whether she likes it or not — is moving to another city by the end of the summer.
And even though I know we’ll keep talking every day and I’ll still bug her with stupid questions and anecdotes, I feel a bit selfish sometimes, wishing she could stay put so I don’t have to feel the weight of her absence.
As grateful as I am to have this opportunity and to be experiencing what I never thought I’d be capable of doing, a small part of me wishes I could cling on to that familiarity I felt throughout last year. I had my little tight-knit group of friends, we had a routine that I was used to and I didn’t have to worry about straying too far from what I knew.
And with change comes the lingering doubt that I won’t be able to fill the shoes of my predecessor and continue making this paper the best it can be.
As reserved and quiet as I may seem now, The Cord has given me more confidence and security than anything else ever has. It gave me purpose and direction, two things I desperately needed when I started volunteering almost three years ago.
I have an endless passion for the product churned out of the basement of 205 Regina every week, and I love it for all of the weird, wonderful memories it’s given me. Taking charge of something that used to terrify and intimidate me is surreal, and I just hope I can give the same sort of experiences that have shaped my time in university back to the wonderful people on my team.
Accepting these changes has meant that I’ve had to force myself with being okay with the reality that things aren’t going to be the exact same as they were last year — and I’m slowly starting to be less anxious about it.
Going into this job I had my doubts (and still do), but I’ve grounded myself and (somewhat successfully) abated my fair share of panic attacks and bouts of imposter syndrome with the knowledge that I’m capable of doing this as long as I dedicate myself to it like I know I can.
I’m so lucky to be surrounded by people who endlessly support and encourage me, and it’s been the driving force of my grudging acceptance of all these changes that have been brought on over these past few months.
And as much as it scares me, I couldn’t be more excited to see what this year brings, even if I don’t know what that is yet.
