New flavours are in poor taste

Graphic by Fani Hsieh

Graphic by Fani Hsieh

Just the other day I had an overly powerful food craving — the kind that consumes your mind.

It was for a specific brand of cheddar cheese crackers and I wouldn’t be satisfied until I had a whole bag to myself.

When I was finally at the store, reaching for a bag with joy, I realized that the only flavour available with cheddar was “cheddar-jalapeño.”

My whole world suddenly went grey. Anyone who knows me knows I can’t do spicy.

It was as if someone placed a winning lottery ticket in front of me, coated it with my own personal kryptonite and said “DO IT. JUST DO IT.”

I know, it’s a very first-world problem, which I obviously got over. But it made me think that we have an extremely large abundance of random flavours.

Are the majority of them even good?

For those who can actually handle spicy food, cheddar-jalapeno might not be as horrifying, but nowadays there are so many random flavours that it seems to alienate us as consumers.

There are butter-chicken chips and jelly beans that taste like vomit.

Realistically, we all cringe at the thought of vomit but when we decide to put it in jelly bean form it’s considered fun to eat.

Instead of mass distributing an overload of different flavours, let’s just slow down and enjoy one flavour at time.

A lot of complex flavours don’t even seem to taste anything like what they are supposed to be yet we go crazy over them.

Parents are always telling their kids, “don’t play with your food,” yet it seems adults are the ones who tend to play with food more than anyone.

Eating has become a game.

We have taken food to a whole new level and created a Franken-food monster out of it.

Once upon a time, food used to be an art that we had the privilege of enjoying.

This doesn’t seem to be the case anymore.

Some people get a huge kick out of playing Doritos roulette, where a bag has mostly the chips you want to eat with the exception of a small amount of insanely hot ones.

Buying chips no longer has anything to do with wanting a tasty snack, but to see our friends burn their taste buds off.

Regular flavours also seem to be more obsolete.

The next time you just want a regular flavoured snack, it might not be there because the demand for extreme new flavours are too high.

I remember when drinking cherry coke used to be such a special occasion since I could only get it once in a blue moon.

Now thanks to McDonald’s, you can get every flavour imaginable from their drink machine of endless possibilities.

That special value of getting rare flavours is lost on us because we have such easy access to all of them now. Snacks just aren’t the same anymore.

Stop the madness involved with the flavour revolution, and someone please just find me a regular bag of cheddar fucking cheese crackers.

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