Gents, you can be shafted too
She’s just not that into you.
Girls, it’s happened to all of us.
One of our friends has inevitably and undoubtedly admitted to us that the guy we’ve been dreaming about for weeks and (let’s call a spade a spade) practically stalking all month is “just not that into us.”
Crushing, I know. So much so that Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo coached women around the world on deadbeat guys in their 2004 New York Times bestselling book, He’s Just Not That Into You.
But as I grow older and the men around me mature, I’ve found (as have many of my female friends) that what Behrendt and Tuccillo preach is not necessarily gender-based.
Men all of a sudden have feelings.
When did this happen?
Male friends ask for advice or complain that girls seem to be less inclined to partake in relationships, despite what society has commonly accepted as the norm: that it is women who want relationships.
Unfortunately for men, although women have been almost acclimatized to reading (and overanalyzing) the signals of men, our male counterparts are left without a guideline to the clues of the opposite sex.
In examining Behrendt and Tuccillo’s book, I found that not only do many of their guidelines give excellent insight into the world of men’s dodging of commitment, but that they also give men the clues they need when they’re being shafted.
Men, the following guidelines are for those of you who have reached a maturity level where you now have feelings when it comes to women and serious relationships.
If she’s not calling you…
“Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when I don’t even mean to,” states Behrendt in He’s Just Not That Into You.
And it’s true.
Caller ID makes it nearly impossible for us to evade knowing where phone calls are coming from nowadays.
But it does make it a hell of a lot easier to screen them.
Or you continue to pry.
This is a problem. Women like to be pursued, it’s endearing, but it gets to the point where it becomes a little much.
A phone message or a text is fine, but once you start Facebook-friend-adding, inbox-messaging and BBM-ing, you become creepy.
So if a girl doesn’t get back to you about your request to hang out, don’t take it personally and move on.
If she’s just not that into you, pursuing her for any great length of time is just a waste of yours.
If she’s not dating you…
Girls, some of us are guilty of this and we know it.
And guys need to understand that they are not the only ones who often shy away from committing to being someone’s better half.
Often it’s flattering to be pursued (this does not include being badgered with phone calls, as stated above).
But if a girl is not interested in dating you and doesn’t want to discuss where your relationship is going, odds are she’s not that into you.
And you deserve better if this is what you’re looking for.
And girls – remember guys have feelings too. If you don’t want to date them and you know that’s what they’re looking for, stop hooking up with them and stringing them along.
If she only wants to see you when she’s drunk…
“Be aware that if Boozy the Clown has to slip on the red nose every time it gets intimate, it could be symptomatic of a bigger problem,” wrote Behrendt.
Men, with your heightened sense of feeling, don’t fall into a trap – just because she calls you every weekend doesn’t mean she’s thinking about you throughout the week.
If she’s disappeared on you…
It’s called technology; these days you can’t escape it.
“[S]he may not have written you a good-bye note, but [her] silence is a deafening ‘see you later,’” explains Behrendt.
Long story short, your incessant texts that have either resulted in non-response or an “I’m really busy” should probably stop immediately.
We may all be in university and really busy, but stopping by the Concourse for a coffee study break and a chat is well within everyone’s reach.
Although you may think these things, among others, can’t happen to you, odds are it has already occurred and maybe you just didn’t notice.
So men of Laurier – consider yourselves warned.
Many of you think you may think you have the upper hand, but some women are just not that into you.