Sheโs just not that into you.
Girls, itโs happened to all of us.
One of our friends has inevitably and undoubtedly admitted to us that the guy weโve been dreaming about for weeks and (letโs call a spade a spade) practically stalking all month is โjust not that into us.โ
Crushing, I know. So much so that Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo coached women around the world on deadbeat guys in their 2004 New York Times bestselling book, Heโs Just Not That Into You.
But as I grow older and the men around me mature, Iโve found (as have many of my female friends) that what Behrendt and Tuccillo preach is not necessarily gender-based.
Men all of a sudden have feelings.
When did this happen?
Male friends ask for advice or complain that girls seem to be less inclined to partake in relationships, despite what society has commonly accepted as the norm: that it is women who want relationships.
Unfortunately for men, although women have been almost acclimatized to reading (and overanalyzing) the signals of men, our male counterparts are left without a guideline to the clues of the opposite sex.
In examining Behrendt and Tuccilloโs book, I found that not only do many of their guidelines give excellent insight into the world of menโs dodging of commitment, but that they also give men the clues they need when theyโre being shafted.
Men, the following guidelines are for those of you who have reached a maturity level where you now have feelings when it comes to women and serious relationships.
If sheโs not calling youโฆ
โSometimes I call people from my pants pocket when I donโt even mean to,โ states Behrendt in Heโs Just Not That Into You.
And itโs true.
Caller ID makes it nearly impossible for us to evade knowing where phone calls are coming from nowadays.
But it does make it a hell of a lot easier to screen them.
Or you continue to pry.
This is a problem. Women like to be pursued, itโs endearing, but it gets to the point where it becomes a little much.
A phone message or a text is fine, but once you start Facebook-friend-adding, inbox-messaging and BBM-ing, you become creepy.
So if a girl doesnโt get back to you about your request to hang out, donโt take it personally and move on.
If sheโs just not that into you, pursuing her for any great length of time is just a waste of yours.
If sheโs not dating youโฆ
Girls, some of us are guilty of this and we know it.
And guys need to understand that they are not the only ones who often shy away from committing to being someoneโs better half.
Often itโs flattering to be pursued (this does not include being badgered with phone calls, as stated above).
But if a girl is not interested in dating you and doesnโt want to discuss where your relationship is going, odds are sheโs not that into you.
And you deserve better if this is what youโre looking for.
And girls โ remember guys have feelings too. If you donโt want to date them and you know thatโs what theyโre looking for, stop hooking up with them and stringing them along.
If she only wants to see you when sheโs drunkโฆ
โBe aware that if Boozy the Clown has to slip on the red nose every time it gets intimate, it could be symptomatic of a bigger problem,โ wrote Behrendt.
Men, with your heightened sense of feeling, donโt fall into a trap โ just because she calls you every weekend doesnโt mean sheโs thinking about you throughout the week.
If sheโs disappeared on youโฆ
Itโs called technology; these days you canโt escape it.
โ[S]he may not have written you a good-bye note, but [her] silence is a deafening โsee you later,โโ explains Behrendt.
Long story short, your incessant texts that have either resulted in non-response or an โIโm really busyโ should probably stop immediately.
We may all be in university and really busy, but stopping by the Concourse for a coffee study break and a chat is well within everyoneโs reach.
Although you may think these things, among others, canโt happen to you, odds are it has already occurred and maybe you just didnโt notice.
So men of Laurier โ consider yourselves warned.
Many of you think you may think you have the upper hand, but some women are just not that into you.