10 years of tomfoolery

Regardless of what ridiculous name accompanied the page four favourite in past years, its purpose has always remained the same: to keep the students and professors of Wilfrid Laurier informed about the criminal going-ons that take place on campus each week.

Of course, these troublesome goings-on vary in severity and hilarity, The Cord has collected some of the most memorable Bag O’ Crime’s of the last 10 years for your entertainment.

Pertaining to poop

September 22, 2004

A report was received that an unknown person defecated in the hallway leading to the rear of the
Library. No suspects.

September 6, 2005

Person(s) unknown wrote some graffiti on the board in a classroom in the Peters Building and spread human excrement on the floor. There are no suspects.

January 29, 2005

A report was received that person(s) unknown had smeared fecal matter onto the toilet seat in the women’s washroom in the Student Services building.

Friday March 4, 2005

A report was received that person(s) unknown smeared fecal matter on the walls and floor in the women’s washroom in the Student Services building.

September 28, 2004

Library staff reported that person(s) unknown had smeared fecal matter around in one of the library washrooms.

October 25, 2006

Special Constables responded to a residence after receiving a report that a male have urinated on a resident student. The resident was sleeping in his bed when a non-student entered his room and urinated on him.


Indecent act
October 2, 2005

At approximately 1:00 am, officers responded to the Nichols Centre receiving area after receiving a report of a group of students walking around with no pants on.

On arrival they found four males in their undershorts and a female attempting to pull down her mini-skirt to cover her exposed buttocks. They had been at a “pantless” party.

Indecent act
September 28, 2003

While an officer was on Mid-Campus Drive, monitoring buses returning from Pikecoming, he observed a female student with her pants down urinating on the road.

Indecent act
February 19, 2002

Library staff reported that they observed a scruffy looking male masturbating at a computer on the 5th floor of the library. By the time the incident was reported at the arrival of officers the suspect had left the premises.

Most ridiculous crimes of the last decade

Suspicious person
August 21, 2002

A staff member reported a male individual who entered her office and told her that she was Jesus Christ in another life. The incident was not reported until after lunch. The individual could not be located.

September 20, 2002

A non-WLU student was evicted from campus after throwing numerous sauce packets around in the Terrace.

Possession of stolen property
September 29, 2002

Two male WLU students were observed walking down Lodge Street with a large potted plant. The plant was later identified as belonging to the Science Building.

November 2, 2002

A male WLU student was evicted from the Turret for urinating on the stage. He later returned and gained access to the stage.

Property Damage
February 28, 2009

Two students were seen playing swords with two florescent light tubes. The lights had been taken from the ceiling in the FNCC. The students ran off when approached. No identities known.

Assistance called
February 13, 2002

Custodial staff reported finding a suspicious package in the Peters Building. The package was wrapped in newspaper and bound by a rubber band. Bomb squad was called in. and x-rayed the package. Upon opening, it was discovered that a cake was inside.

Theft under $5000
October 4, 2003

A WLU student reported his wallet stolen when it was left unattended for a period of time.

December 14, 2003

A University of Waterloo student assaulted a WLU student on the dance floor of the Turret. The accused was jealous because the victim was dancing with his ex-girlfriend.

March 28, 2007

Laurier students Megan, Jennifer and Elenna harassed Special Consables for nearly one hour in order to try and persuade them to get into the bag of crime.

October 30, 2001

Acting on information received, security recovered a golf cart that was stolen from University Stadium in September some distance behind a factory on Phillip Street.

Theft under $5000
January 21, 2004

A WLU student was found in possession of a bag of ice-melt believed to have been taken from WLU property.

Violence and annoyance

General harassment
October 17, 2001

A non-WLU male was warned after he was observed stopping his vehicle and bothering students on King St. The individual was dressed in a long black wig, skirt and a woman’s blouse.

Assistance called
October 20, 2001

Officers responded to a report of a fight at the Grad Pub. On arrival, no combatants were found but as the officers were leaving, a number of Waterloo Taxis arrived. Apparently a male passenger had assaulted a Waterloo Taxi driver and the driver struck the male suspect in the mouth with a flashlight. The suspect and friend exited the cab and fled prior to the police arriving.

September 22, 2002

A male WLU student was arrested by Waterloo regional police as he exited a bus returning from an offcampus Pike event. It is alleged that the student sexually assaulted the bus driver while on the bus.

An ode to the guy who repaired the gate arms at lot 20

While on patrol officers found the gate arm to lot 20 broken on these dates in 2002 and 2003.

April 20, 2002
April 28, 2002
September 20, 2002
November 30, 2002
October 10, 2002
October 25, 2002
December 3, 2002
January 13, 2003
January 23, 2003
January 31, 2003
February 6, 2003
February 12, 2003

The Cord feels bad for the poor person whose job it was to fix the arm of lot 20. Apparently, the university hates that darn gate arm.