Dear Life: January 22 edition

An enormous thank you to the girl who found my phone on Thursday and returned it to me in Bricker. Please never stop being awesome!

Sincerely,

Sorry if I Embarrassed You in Front of Your Class, But They Need to Know How Much You Rock

 

Dear Life,

I am very grateful for the new renovations that have been done to the gym. It’s great that there’s more space, more equipment…and a shit ton of more people! Which is amazing! But why didn’t you add any more lockers?? Compensate for the growing population of gym-goers!

Sincerely,

Throwin’ bows to try to find a locker

Dear Life,

To those girls that sit at the end of the row in the lecture with your laptop and Starbucks taking up two seats, do not scoff at me when I give you an awkward lap dance to try and get by you. Do not roll your eyes at me when your coffee is taking the desk of the last available seat and I ask to sit there.

Sincerely,

Your starbucks isn’t paying tuition for a seat in this class.

Dear Life,

To the New Years resolution gym goers that are new to the gym. Stick with it. I don’t care about your goals, but it’s fucking hilarious watching you use the equipment improperly. Two thumbs up to your creativity.

Sincerely,

You can do it.

Dear Life,

Being able to read The Cord without losing my mind at the amount of spelling and grammatical errors sprinkled on every page would be a dream come true.

Sincerely,

Even if you’re not in English you totally see them too

Dear Life, 

Last semester of university. I’m gonna miss this.

Sincerely,

4th year

Dear Laurier,

You have as much parking as Rob Ford does common sense.

Sincerely,

I hope I don’t get a ticket trying to go to class.

Dear Life, 

I don’t know about you but I am sick of freezing every time I am in the concourse. Whose brain-dead idea was it to install sliding doors without the proper heating elements? Students unite! If we must put up with those door scertainly the university can put in the required heaters.

Sincerely,

Freezing my ass off

Dear Life,

There isn’t a day I don’t think about my assailant. You’ve made me afraid of my own shadow. I just want my life back.

Sincerely,

I left, he stayed

Dear Life, 

When the first flake fell, my heart was touched.

When it stayed on the ground, I was moved to tears.

I never thought that I could be this happy;

To see the snow pile up as high as it has is the fulfilment of my wildest dreams.

When I’m soaring down a snowy hill on a sled, the fat wet flakes in my face are little hugs just for me.

When I’m skating on the ice, the whole world is at harmony around me.

But all I really need in life is for the snow to just be there.

O beautious flakes,

ye are not crystallized water but crystallized joy.

Sincerely,

Mister Ten Below