Dear Life: Oct. 26, 2011
Dear Life,
Why is it that a business student would deem it appropriate to sit down beside two fourth-year English majors, ask them what program they are in and then proceed to lambaste Shakespeare? Surely that sort of behaviour goes against whatever they learn in the School of Business and Economics concerning such marketable skills as interpersonal communication.
Sincerely,
I told you that one day I’d write about you, but I bet you didn’t expect it to be so soon or in the university newspaper.
Dear Life,
To all arts students, get a real degree.
Sincerely,
Business, Science, Math and Music majors
Dear Life,
Today the statue of Wilfrid Laurier was revealed, now to go and take pictures of it with all my Asian friends making peace signs. ^_^
Sincerely,
Owner of a Hello Kitty polaroid camera
Dear Life,
Last week I spilled nitric acid on myself in an analytical chemistry lab, I no longer feel safe and have a permanent scar.
Sincerely,
Switching to a safer major, languages and literature here I come!
Dear Life,
Please let The Cord know they should publish the “Bag o’ Crime” section more often.
Sincerely,
I may have to start havoc in the school myself.
Dear Life,
To all arts students, go get a degree that matters. P.S.: Math majors ARE in science.
Sincerely,
Math Majors.
Dear Life,
So it turns out if you want a pita on this campus with your meagre allotted amount of vegetables grilled, you will be asked, “You’re not a vegetarian, right?”
Sincerely,
The meat juice all over the grill is vegetarian, right?
Dear Life,
Why do people bother “whispering” if it can be heard clearly (and dare I say loudly) from six carrels away? Today I went to the library to learn about psych. Instead I learned that some girl is getting her period this weekend. Good to know.
Sincerely
That-Guy-Will-Still-Never-Talk-To-You-First-Unless-It’s-“Convenient”
Dear Professors,
We know that you know we are texting in class. How else are we suppose to communicate with our fellow students without disrupting the class?
Sincerely,
At least we’re not on Facebook.
Dear Life,
To the people who keep yanking at the locked doors off of the Concourse: hit the bloody wheelchair button and stop staring down the person sitting closest to the door like a lost puppy. No, I do not feel bad for you, and no, I will not get up and open the door for you. I don’t know you, and I don’t feel bad that you are too stupid to problem solve and turn your head to the left and press the bloody button. This is university, figure your own shit out.
Sincerely,
I’m not your mother.
Dear EC 250-B,
Stop acting like first-year students and start acting like second-year business students. Don’t come to class for ten minutes to answer clicker questions and then leave.
Sincerely,
I have 96% in this class. Fuck the bonus marks.
Dear Teachers,
I’m not actually texting; you just haven’t seen my penis.
Dear Life,
I absolutely love the new urinals in the 24 Lounge Washroom.
Sincerely,
Full Pressure and No Splash Back
Dear Life,
To all arts majors, I’ll take a Big Mac, large fries, and a Coke.
Sincerely,
I think I just got McLaid.