Your 20s are for yourself
Take this time as a student to figure out who you are instead of rushing into marriage and having children|
March 10, 2010 2:59 AM
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When was the last time you went on Facebook, creeped photos and took note of how many people from your high school have children, are pregnant, are married or are engaged?
The general reaction to these sorts of people – among my social circle at least – is ridicule and a general disbelief that many of our peers have decided to take their lives in a direction that is completely out of sync with what most students our age are doing.
We’re busy worrying about term papers and how drunk we got last night, and it’s unbelievable to think that many people who we went to high school with are now worrying about wedding dresses and changing diapers.
While getting married and having children are certainly in the future for many, starting down this path in your early 20s is not the right time to do so.
Though it is not uncommon for people in university to develop relationships with partners that they have every intention of marrying, there is no reason to make such a significant commitment so early in your life. At our age, there is still so much to experience, and having people in your life that will inevitably restrict your choices is unfortunate.
The opportunities that are available to us at this age are endless; however, by making decisions and extensive commitments now, you will limit what is available to you in the future.
What if you get a chance to study in Paris or receive an internship in Prague?
The troubling reality is that getting married and having babies hinders your ability to take such opportunities.
Nobody wants to wake up one morning in middle-class suburbia feeling as though you never lived up to you potential and resenting your family for holding you back.
The choices you make now will significantly impact the rest of your life; it’s important that you make ones that will not only make you happy in the moment, but are in the best interest for your future.
Your 20s are the perfect opportunity to invest in yourself.
Regardless of how long you have been together, people change and relationships fall apart.
While it is perfectly plausible that you may have a meaningful marriage that allows you to develop as a person and gives you incredible experiences, there is no guarantee that any given relationship will last, and it’s so easy for people to lose themselves in another person.
The best partners and parents are those who maintain a life and identity outside of their children and spouses.
If you do not take the time to do so, you risk building a life where you depend on someone else for fulfillment, instead of learning how to be happy with the only person that you will need to live with at the end of the day: yourself.
Children grow up and leave home, 37 per cent of Canadian marriages end in divorce and building your entire life around these two entities sets yourself up for failure.
Invest in yourself and your education, because if everything else in your life falls apart, at the very least you will have that.
Comments
I must wholeheartedly disagree with this article.
While your 20's may not be the right time for you or your group of friends to get married and start a family, for some of us, it is the right choice.
I am 24, and will graduate with my B.Ed. this year. I am also getting married in July.
Rather than hindering me, my relationship has helped me in pursuing my goals. I never could have afforded to go to teacher's college this year had I been on my own, and wouldn't be able to afford the masters I will start next year.
My fiance has never held me back. Instead he encourages to follow my dreams, and helps give me the freedom to do so.
@Nichole
... So basically because your fiance pays for your schooling, your a champion for getting married young.
The problem with this article is that it assumes that people necessarily all want to spend their university years doing things like partying and having promiscuous sex. Many don't. Some would rather settle down and have a family, and I don't think they should be chided for that. Sure, having a family can be stressful, but at least you'll survive with your liver intact.
p.s. Yes, this is a bit of an assumption I'm making here...but let's be honest. What do you think this article means by "living for yourself"?
Dear Ms. Carlson; I read your opinion piece with interest and have no intention of denying your claim that one's twenties are 'for yourself' -- if that's what you wish. Certainly if one is terribly concerned about how often they are getting drunk. the timing would seem to be wrong for setting up a pair-bond or becoming responsible for the well-being of an infant.
However, your article sets up a series of straw-man assumptions, most of which are premised on the errant notion that commitment to other people will only hinder us.
I am proud to stand in front of my students and tell them that I married at 22, and had my son when I was 25 while pursuing my master's degree (and only missed class on the day he was born!). Not only did my responsibilities to my spouse and my child not hinder me, they gave me focus and determination to keep on working hard, even when the years of grad school and the slog of an academic career seemed ridiculously punishing. I completed my PhD a few weeks before my 32nd birthday and ten years later find that I have completed 3 books. travelled extensively and spent extended research time in Europe.
I'm also really looking forward to having a fully grown child while I am still young enough to enjoy time to myself.
Early marriage and parenting may not suit everyone, but they are not the kiss of death to a competetive career or to self-fulfillment... I've had all those things and the benefit of having my best friend along for the ride (and his own ride too) for 22 years.
I doubt I'd have come all this way if I'd been on my own until I was 30-something.
Respectfully,
Dr. Morgan Holmes Assoc. Professor, Sociology